Clearly, there’s no secret around my slow pace. But at 53 I’m deep in the menopause doldrums and discovering that menopause is more than just a hormonal rollercoaster—it’s a full-body endurance event with no finish line.
The Great Weight Loss Myth
A year. A whole year without sugar. A year of carefully monitoring carbs, turning down cake, and side-eyeing bread like it had personally insulted me. I ran three marathons and more than 2000km. And yet, my weight didn’t really change. It’s as if my metabolism packed up and left town the moment it got a whiff of menopause. Turns out, there’s more to my body shape than what’s on my fork, and I can’t seem to outpace my metabolism.
Hot Flushes: The Original Heat Training
And omg the hot flushes. One minute, you’re out on a casual morning run, enjoying the crisp air and the kookaburra’s giggly morning greetings. The next, you’re a human furnace, dripping sweat like you’ve just run a marathon in the Sahara. Forget heart rate zones—my new training threshold is based entirely on how many layers I can strip off mid-run without getting arrested.
The Never-Ending Game of Period Roulette
For six glorious months I had no period, which I confess was bliss. I mean, if there’s one benefit to menopause it’s avoiding that monthly battle with the tampon wrappers am I right? But then, bam, out of nowhere – and just when you think you’ve got a handle on things - a two-month-long hormonal encore. Okay fine these things happen, and luckily I had the reprieve of another six months off, just long enough for me to start believing I was free. But then, once again, hello! Another unwelcome visit. Honestly, menopause, pick a side. Spoiler alert: menopause enjoys keeping us on our toes.
Enter HRT
After much internal debate (and external complaining), I started hormone replacement therapy. Within weeks, I felt like someone had switched the lights back on. My mood lifted, the flushes subsided, my sleep improved and I stopped wanting to cry every time I saw a bakery. If only HRT came with a built-in GPS to help me find where I left my car keys.
Cholesterol: The Surprise Plot Twist
As part of the general checkups I do every January, and one routine blood test later, I discovered my cholesterol had decided to join in on the midlife rebellion. It was a little elevated. Because, apparently, you can do all the “right” things—run, eat well, cut sugar—and still end up with numbers that make doctors raise their eyebrows. The result? A referral to a cardiologist, because menopause loves a bit of medical drama.
The Heart Murmur I Never Knew I Had
The cardiologist was lovely (although wincingly expensive). After various scans, they found I had a heart murmur and a slightly leaky valve. Mostly likely I’ve had these for a long time, and they are nothing to worry about—just another quirky addition to the list of things my body was doing without consulting me first.
The Mammogram Marathon
And then, as if menopause hadn’t thrown enough at me, my routine mammogram led to a surprise recall. A 3D mammogram, an ultrasound, and a biopsy later, I got the all-clear. But there’s nothing like a waiting room to make you reflect on things, ammiright?
The Gift of Ageing
Look, menopause is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a bumpy, unpredictable, undignified and totally ridiculous workout with sweat, blood and tears both literally and figuratively. But here’s the thing—ageing is a privilege. Not everyone gets to grow older, to keep running (no matter how slowly), to laugh about hot flushes and hormonal chaos. So, I’ll take the leaky valve, the cholesterol drama, and the periodic visits from Aunt Flo. Because as long as I can lace up my shoes and hit the pavement—even at a shuffle—I’m still in the race.